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  • Writer's pictureMartin Benefer

Are You Trying Too Hard?

We all like setting goals. But what if the very goals you’re working on are holding you back from what you really want?

Maybe there’s a better way…

Start with 'Why'

Why are you doing what you’re doing?

It may be for the sense of achievement, the benefits it brings you, or perhaps because you (usually!) enjoy the process.

All valid reasons ‘why’, but all different.

If your 'why' becomes lost the goal can easily become self-defeating and feel a struggle. Why? Because you can end up striving for something you don’t really want or pursuing it in a way that’s at odds with what you want! You end up fighting yourself. And something tells you it’s not quite right.

Return to the goal you set yourself and ask yourself ‘why’…

  • Why have you set yourself the task at hand?

  • Why are you determined to do it?

  • Why does it feel so hard?

Specify 'What'

What exactly is it you want?

Goals are merely tools. What does achieving them give you?

A clear and compelling vision of what you are ultimately striving for can be crucial, not just to keep you motivated, but to keep you on the right track. Without it goals can take on an unhelpful life of their own, leading you places you neither want or need to go!

If your goals feel like they're driving you, rather than being tools that help you drive yourself, then your vision may have become lost. Go back and specify what it is you really want...

  1. What is your vision of success?

  2. What role does this task play in that vision?

  3. What happens if you don’t do it?

Relax the 'How'

Is how you’re approaching your goal the best way for you?

You may find the goal has morphed, taken on a life of its own or led you away from what you want. You may find that how you intend to achieve success has become too rigid and begun to overshadow everything else. And you may find your mind has closed off to alternative routes.

Without making any decisions to change what you’re doing (yet!), just consider the following:

  • How else could you achieve your goal?

  • How could you make it more enjoyable?

  • How could you still do it without trying quite so hard?

If it feels like you’re trying too hard, maybe you are!

Maybe there’s an easier, more enjoyable and more beneficial path open to you.

Relax, reset and re-evaluate - clarify exactly what you want and why you want it. And then return to how you get it.

There might just be a better way.

Good luck!


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Stillwater Coaching Ltd
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